what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
