jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
