So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!