TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him