you traded sex for a burrito?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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