Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0