shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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