can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We have started to decorate penises.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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