Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
