yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
