my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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