I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
