I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
