Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
