If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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