garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Green mimosas i think yes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
