When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
