Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
