Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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