can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
