The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
