is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
