dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
