im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I've blown a few things in my day
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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