i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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