worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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