there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
