So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
