Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
