hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
