There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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