tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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