So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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