WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
