I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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