i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
