So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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