I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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