I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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