and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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