Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
