maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
