Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
