absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
