I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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