Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
