I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
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I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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