well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
