I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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