My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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