How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
