I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
