I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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