Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
