How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
