There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
