K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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