I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
