If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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