I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
