I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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