Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
