I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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