Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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