So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
