So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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