U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
