Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
