the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
