Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
