I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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