Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
