He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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