Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Boobs speak an international language.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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