the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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