hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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