So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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