believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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