So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
