Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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