I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
