My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
